Everyone has one: the crazy uncle or other family member who ignites a political fight during Thanksgiving Dinner. You have to invite the pain in the butt because he or she’s family. The big news is the Israel-Hamas war and the insane rise in Antisemitism. I don’t know for sure, but knowing his history, if my crazy uncle (who is Jewish) brings up the topic, he will take the side of the anti-Semites. Rather than fight with the uncle, we would like to have a peaceful Thanksgiving, watch football, drink beer, and feast on a delicious dinner that includes turkey and every carbohydrate side dish known to humanity.
I would rather not have the day spoiled by an uncle who is nuttier than a porta potty on the last day of a peanut festival.
Since I was eight days old, I’ve been officially Jewish and have always been very active in the Jewish community. I ignore the hatred spurting from Uncle and his friends, who act as if they donated their brains to science, but their MDs forgot to wait until they died, took the time to rill my filling my mailbox,


For peace with the  Rashida Talib in your family, get the argument over fast—agree with him. Start Trashing the Jews also. Note before you start with the act, make sure the rest of the family knows.

.We can’t get the crazy uncles to change their minds because they don’t have the minds to change. Therefore, this year, I am going to do something different. I’m going to go with him. Maybe we can silence the crazy uncles by telling him the WWJC (worldwide Jewiiish conspiracy (does control the world? And the rest of the world better be nice to us, or we will use our power against them.

Tell the uncle who is crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory. We’ve been running things for a long time, manipulating world events for our needs. We can even tell him many famous people throughout history were actually Jewish — part of the plot to perpetuate the myth and keep us in charge.

Uncle, there really is a Jewish Space Laser.


He easily believed that Martin Luther was a Jew! But that one was pretty obvious. After all, he is famous for quitting his church to form a new one. Ever talk to a Jew about where he prays? He will tell you about the Synagogue he goes to and the one he would rather die than set foot in.

George Washington? Jewish, of course. James Monroe and Abe Lincoln also (take a look at their noses), So was John Adams (a short, obnoxious guy whose real name was Ruby).

I even convinced him Napoleon was a Jew — remember how he wanted to reconvene the historic Jewish court, the Sanhedrin? Or the French Emperor’s nervous habit of playing with the Star of David hanging on a chain around his neck. The guy would look ridiculous, always sticking his hand in his shirt to play with the star. That’s not far out. Just look at all the drawings of the emperor.

Morning Minyan at the Vatican

It will be easy to convince my father’s brother that the Pope and all the Catholic Cardinals—-are members of the Tribe! Look at what they wear on their heads? Red Yarmulkes!

I will also convince him Alexander Graham Bell was a Jew. He invented the telephone because he wanted to call his mother.

If my uncle starts asking about the media, I’ll tell him, yep, it’s Jewish-controlled. A guy named Lenny (a Levite) runs it. Lenny lives in Cleveland with his wife and two kids. He inherited the media-control job from his father (adding to the hoax.)

Alexander Graham Bell Calls Mom

I would ask my uncle if he knew Mel, explaining that In 1942, Mel was able to convince the New York Times and other Western newspapers to bury coverage of the Holocaust in the back of the paper. That’s the real reason they downplayed the horror.

As for terrorism…we don’t do that, not even the Mossad. We can’t take credit for that. Jews do not promote or allow killing others–the terrorists do that independently.

I will tell my uncle it is time to let the cat out of the bag. But first, there is one thing he must first do. Help us convince nut-jobs like him ]much of the world’s” antisemitism is part of the plot to perpetuate the myth that we do not run the world. My uncle never believes that Jews are being honest, so as a person who wants to ruin Thanksgiving by bashing Jews and agreeing with everything the anti-Semitic marchers say. We agree with him, so he can’t argue.

The Supreme Leader And The Rest Of The Supremes

Here’s one that will really shock my uncle: Barack Obama is actually Jewish. He converted 20 years ago because it was the only way to let him run for president). I will inform him I attended his bris. My wife even made a cheesecake.

But there is a downside. What if he doesn’t believe me? What if he doesn’t believe my stories. What if my uncle believes we have little control over world events? What if he thinks that the Jews are ancient people who survived only through their love of God and his Torah? What if he were to look at us not as world dominators but as teachers of how to love God and each other? After all, Christianity and Islam grew out of the Jewish faith.

What am I saying? Teaching people to love God and each other? That is what the chosen people mean, but no one would ever believe that!  

but no one would ever believe that!

but no one would ever believe that!