Harsh stereotypes talk about Jews controlling aspects of Gentiles’ lives. The tools one can only be about Jews making fun of themselves
Think of the stupidity of hateful stereotypes. If the Jews controlled the banks, we would shut down the Anti-Semites’ savings accounts and cash cards. If the Jewish lobby controlled Congress, as some haters claim, we would have booted people like Ilhan Omar or Maxine Waters out of office long ago. And to be perfectly honest, If Jews controlled the weather, we wouldn’t have to move to Boca Raton when we retire.
It’s impossible to convince the haters that their words are evil. We can’t get them to change their minds because they don’t have the minds to change. Since the haters can’t be talked out of their Antisemitism, allow me to present a modest proposal. Why don’t we scare off the haters by telling them they’re right; the Jews control the world? And they better be nice to us, or we will use our power against them.
Not only do we tell the haters Jews run the world. We tell them we’ve been running things for a long time, manipulating world events for our own needs. We can even tell them that many famous people throughout history were Jewish — part of the plot to perpetuate the myth and keep us in charge.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene was correct. Be nice, or we’ll zap you.
Martin Luther was a Jew! But that one was pretty obvious. After all, he is famous for quitting his church to form a new one. Ever talk to a Jew about where he prays? He will tell you about the Synagogue he goes to and the one he would rather die than set foot in.
George Washington? Jewish, of course. James Monroe and Abe Lincoln also (take a look at their noses), So was John Adams (he was a short obnoxious guy whose real name was Ruby).
Napoleon was a Jew — remember how he wanted to reconvene the historic Jewish court, the Sanhedrin. The French Emperor had this nervous habit of playing with the Star of David hanging on a chain around his neck. The guy would look ridiculous, always sticking his hand in his shirt to play with the star. That’s not far out. Just look at all the drawings of the emperor.
It will be easy to convince people that the Pope and all the Catholic Cardinals—-are members of the Tribe! You ever notice what they wear on their heads? Red Yarmulkes!
Morning Minyan At The Vatican
Alexander Graham Bell was a closet Jew. He invented the telephone because he wanted to call his mother a few times a day.
For those haters wondering about the media, our answer should be, yep, it’s Jewish-controlled. A guy named Lenny (a Levite). Lenny lives in Cleveland with his wife and two kids. He inherited the media-control job from his father, Mel.
We should warn them if they aren’t friendly to us, we’ll make up lousy media stories about them. If they don’t believe the Jews control the media, let’s tell them why Lenny is the best news director we’ve had for centuries. Lenny came up with the idea that CNN should slant their coverage against Israel and ignore Antisemitism. He figured that if reporters gave the impression that Jewish blood is cheap, no one would discover that we were actually running things. Lenny won a UJA (Underground Jewish Action) award. His most famous achievement was the idea that the media should never use the word “terrorist” whenever a Jew is killed.
As for terrorism…we don’t do that, not even the Mossad. We can’t take credit for that. Jews do not promote or allow killing others–the terrorists do that independently.
The banks? No one really believes that silly thing about Jewish bankers in New York controlling all the money— that’s stupid. But we should tell the haters That they’re all Jewish but come from Lithuania, not New York. We run the world’s monetary system from the E.U. central office. How about creating a man who runs the banks named Harvey Cohn (a Kohan) and Harvey runs a tight ship.
You know that famous picture of Bigfoot walking through the forest? Let’s disappoint the hatemongers. We should assure them it was a Jew in a costume. He was on the way to the international convention of the Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy (WWJC) and put on an Ape costume so people wouldn’t know about the convention.
If they ask, persuade the vile haters that there is only one country whose leaders aren’t involved in the scam. The French government really does hate the Jews.
Here’s one that will really shock the anti-Semites. We should enlighten them that Barack Obama is actually Jewish. He converted 20 years ago because it was the only way we’d let him run for president. We can even say that I attended his bris. My wife made the cheesecake. We must convince the haters that we explained to Obama that he had to pick a Jew like Rahm Emanuel as Chief of Staff and that Obama’s anti-Semitic policies were all Harvey’s brainchild. With the over-the-top hatred of Jews, he displayed as president, no one will ever believe that he is really Jewish.
Former Secretary of State Hillary is a member of the Tribe. Her real name is Hadassah Clinton. Don’t believe me? Why do you think her daughter married a Jew?
If this proposal works, it will lift a terrible burden from our Jewish shoulders. If we say the stereotypes above are true and use them repeatedly, the Anti-Semites might get bored with the hatred and stop using them. If the Jews relax and enjoy humor, the haters will be able to differentiate between the malicious use of stereotypes or the ones said for fun, just like the ones above or the ones about Jews and tools. They might even enjoy my favorite song from the musical Spamalot, which uses the stereotype that Jews control Broadway.
