A few years ago, the cousin of a family friend was visiting from Greece. He was looking for a ticket for the hottest Broadway play. My wife explained to him that the play was sold out, but if he went across the bridge to New Jersey he could get a ticket from a scalper. After my wife explained what a scalper was, the tourist from Greece exclaimed, “You Americans, you can make a business out of anything!”  He was right! But sometimes the business makes one wonder. Every time we think we’ve finally reached the summit of Mount Stupid, another peak rises still higher than the last one. The wear while eating mask is yet another example. wear while eating mask

The panic-porn media conglomerates have done their jobs a little TOO well. People are now afraid of their own shadow. This fear has led them to put their trust in all kinds of weird places. The truly fearful wait for the arrival of a Coronavirus vaccine much the way that religious devotees await the fulfillment of their favorite prophecy, often viewing it with parallel salvific importance. “When X comes, all will be made right in the world again.”

Until that day, masks (and for some reason, gloves) are supposed to be the ‘silver bullet’ that will protect us from a virus.

Now that we’re moving toward returning to normal functions of society, questions about how to proceed under the pall of current fears linger. They are breeding solutions. Some of them reasonable, some like this one is ridiculous.

Comparatively reasonable ones include a wellness check upon arrival (temp taken by laser thermometer), or hand sanitizer stations for those who need it. Then there is the silly ones include bumper tables that look like they should include a river ride after the meal:


But the mask-you-can-wear-while-eating is the worst of all possible worlds.

Not only is it absolutely worthless in the function it is supposed to perform, but it looks just as stupid as it sounds, and either it was designed as a joke that someone took seriously, or P.T. Barnum was right when he said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.

The reason it is worthless is pretty simple. The hole fatally compromises the entire function of the mask, rendering it meaningless. Even when it is ‘closed’, air can flow freely through the gaps. You’re better off saving your money and not buying one at all.

Here’s one site commenting on the difference between proper valves with and without valves:

Many N95 masks have exhalation valves that provide no filtration of exhaled breath. If you are wearing this type of mask, and you are shedding the virus, you will unknowingly be spreading the virus. Air Purifying Respirators (APRs) are designed to protect the wearer. If you see an exhalation valve-you are looking at a potential disease vector.

In plain English, If the whole point of wearing a mask is to ‘keep us from killing grandma’… this mask does nothing to capture any virus you may be shedding into the air we share.

If you’re wearing it to ‘protect’ yourself from catching it, you might as well be wearing the one Babylon Bee photoshopped onto Joe Biden.


That Biden photoshopped one was meant as a joke.

But, this wear-while-eating mask is real and supposed to be serious— but it makes me laugh anyway. That laugh would be the only benefit of owning such a mask.

Most of this post was first seen at Clash Daily.