This fits into the “I swear I didn’t make this up” department. The US State department has invited the “quartet” of Middle East negotiators to come to Washington DC on February 2. How appropriate is that. Groundhog Day.

Every February 2, members of the Groundhog Club of Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, adorned with top hats and tails, surround the home of Punxsutawney Phil one of the most famous rodents of the world. More than just a tourist attraction, there are people that really do believe if Phil the groundhog sees his shadow we will suffer though six more weeks of winter.

At the same time, a bunch of human rats that are also afraid of their shadows are having a conference on Mid East peace.

Since the EU will be part of the meeting they will probably celebrate the French version of the holiday. In France, the rodent is named Judenphobe Jacques. If Jacques poke his head out of his hole and sees Jewish people living in peace, we will have six more years of horrible anti-Semitism. Jacques is blind in one eye, usually if the Palestinians are committing some kind of violence toward Israeli citizens it is on the side of his bad eye. Jacques has always been blind to Palestinian violence.

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The UN is also a quartet member. They have their own version of the groundhog tradition. They have a huge party where all the delegates gather around a small hole and out pops their rat Kantseenuthing Koffi (named after the former secretary general). If Kantseenuthing Koffi sees Jews dying in the Middle East he goes back into his hole and closes his eyes. The only thing that brings him back out is when Israel tries to defend herself. When that happens we have six days more days of anti-Israel speeches.

Don’t forget about Saint Petersburg Putin. This rat won’t talk to terrorists killing civilians in his country,yet today in the quartet meeting, his country will be insisting that Israel begin talks with Hamas.

What will this quartet of rodents be discussing in DC on Groundhog Day? You guessed it—MORE RATS. There is the Palestinian Groundhog, that changes his color and his language every time he in front of the quartet

And then of course there is the Israeli Groundhog named OHCRAPIT’S OLMERT. This particular groundhog is very unique. You see OHCRAPIT’S OLMERT never comes out of his hole. He is so frightened of upsetting the quartet that he keeps digging the hole deeper. And every day he is brings his whole country deeper and deeper into a hole.