I have to admit, over the weekend when I heard Vladimir Putin blame  Russian Jews for interfering with the 2016 US presidential election an uneasy chill ran down my spine. In an interview with Meghan Kelly Saturday night, Putin placed the election meddling blame on certain ethnic groups, including the Jews

“Maybe they’re not even Russians,” he said. “Maybe they’re Ukrainians, Tatars, Jews, just with Russian citizenship. Even that needs to be checked. Maybe they have dual citizenship. Or maybe a green card. Maybe it was the Americans who paid them for this work. How do you know? I don’t know.”

As an American Jew whose family immigrated to the United States from Russia and Ukraine, Putin’s words initially horrified me, but I now realize that the time to be horrified is over. It is high time to fess up and tell the world the truth:

We Jews do run the world. And we’ve been running things for a very long time, manipulating world events for our own needs. It’s time to reveal the truth that many famous people now and throughout history were actually Jewish — part of the plot to perpetuate the myth and keep us in charge.

Martin Luther – yep, a Jew! But that one was pretty obvious. After all, he is famous for quitting his church to form a new one. Ever talk to a Jew about where he prays? He will tell you about the Synagogue he goes to and the one he would rather die than set foot in.

George Washington?  Jewish of course. James Monroe and Abe Lincoln also (take a look at their noses), So was John Adams (a short obnoxious guy whose real name was Ruby).

Napoleon was a Jew — no wonder he wanted to reconvene the historic Jewish court, the Sanhedrin. The French Emperor had this nervous habit of playing with the Star of David hanging on a chain around his neck all the time. The guy would look ridiculous always sticking his hand in his shirt to play with the Star.

Most people don’t realize this but the Pope and all the Catholic Cardinals…members of the Tribe! You ever notice what they wear on their heads? Red Yarmulkes!

Morning Minyan At The Vatican

Alexander Graham Bell, another closet Jew, he only invented the telephone so he could call his mother a few times a day.

Now that a world leader like Vladimir Putin brought things out in the open, IMHO we should be totally honest and start telling the world everything.

For those of you wondering about the media…yep, it’s Jewish controlled. We have this guy Lenny (a Levite) who lives in Cleveland with his wife and two kids. Lenny inherited the media-control job from his father, Mel, who in 1942 was able to convince New York Times and other western newspapers to bury coverage of the Holocaust in the back of the paper. That’s the real reason they downplayed it.

All the news media in the world report to Lenny. As a news director, he is the best we’ve had for centuries. It was Lenny who thought up the idea that most news media should slant their coverage against Israel and ignore Antisemitism.  He figured that if reporters give the impression that Jewish blood is cheap, no one would figure out that we were actually strong and running things. A few years ago Lenny won a UJA (Underground Jewish Action) award for coming up with the idea the media should not use the word “terrorist” whenever an Israeli Jew was killed.

As for terrorism…we don’t do that, not even the Mossad.  We run the world but we do not promote or allow killing others–the terrorists do that on their own.

The banks? No one really believes that silly thing about Jewish bankers in New York controlling all the money that’s stupid! Sure, they’re all Jewish, but they come from Lithuania, not New York. We run the world’s monetary system from the EU central office. Our man there is named Harvey Cohn and Harvey runs a tight ship.

I spoke to Harvey today; he agrees that it’s time to let the cat out of the bag. But there is one thing he would like to do first. You see, much of the world’s “anti-Semitism” is part of the plot to perpetuate the myth that we do not run the world. Heck, Harvey even has Louis Farrakhan on the payroll (please don’t tell anyone it’s bad for his image).

And speaking of Farrakhan, the Women’s March was also invented by the Jews—as a joke.  What can be funnier than to see famous celebrities speaking to large crowds of people wearing pink pussy hats?

You know that famous picture of Bigfoot walking through the forest? I hate to disappoint people but it was a Jew in a costume. He was on the way to the international convention of the Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy (WWJC) and put on an Ape costume so people wouldn’t know about the convention.

There is one country whose leadership isn’t involved in the scam. France’s government really does hate the Jews. Harvey says that before the word gets out, he wants to use his vast financial powers to cancel every credit card owned by a member of the French Government (and to ruin their cash cards)

One thing that may surprise people is that Barack Obama is actually Jewish. He converted 20 years ago (it’s the only way we would let him run for president). I was honored by being invited to his bris. My wife even made a cheesecake. We told him that he had to pick a Jew like Rahm Emanuel as Chief of Staff. Obama’s anti-Semitic policies were also Harvey’s brainchild. With the over-the-top hatred of Jews he displayed as president, no one would ever believe that he is really Jewish.

Oh, and Iraq? Well, Pat Buchanan and Barack Obama were right — our idea. But it has nothing to do with Israel, and everything to with chickpeas. You see, one thing that we don’t control is the falafel market, and that is going to change very, very soon.

And by the way, the Saudis were also right; Barbie dolls were created by Jews as a plot to destroy the minds of Muslim children. And about the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, can you believe that some people still think that’s a forgery?!

I think the most fun project we have done recently is giving the Iranians missile technology, we put a flaw in the system and can hardly wait for the Iranian government to find out that they are a bunch of tools…Zionist tools. The credit that idea goes to former Secretary of State Hillary (her real name is Hadassah) Clinton. Don’t believe me? Why do you think her daughter married a Jew?

Coming out with the truth may lift a terrible burden from our shoulders. No more hiding, no more plotting, just going about the business of ruling the world.

But there is a downside. What if people don’t believe us? What if people were to hate us so much that they start to think we have little control over world events? What if they were to think that the Jews are an ancient people who survived only through love of God and his Torah? What if people were to look at us, not as world dominators but as the teachers of how to love God and each other? After all, Christianity and Islam grew out of the Jewish faith.

What am I saying? Teaching people to love God and each other….No one could believe that!