Since parts of Ferguson, Mo. were destroyed on Monday night after D.A. Robert McCulloch read the grand jury results, pundits and politicians have been looking to place the blame for the violence. Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) blamed politicians, MSNBC’s Melissa Harris Perry blamed Obama (and said he should be proud about it), a crowd of protesters in Seattle blamed the Jews (they lose points for lack of originality), and CNN’s Don Lemon blamed bloggers:

Most of that outrage is coming from the Internet and social media. When you actually come here on the ground and the people who are actual protesters and who are upset, most of them peaceful. They have a beef and they are being peaceful about it. And they aren’t the people who are out there causing the commotion every day. It is a lot of the times here bloggers and people who are trying to make a name for themselves.

Having spent at least seven or eight minutes tuned my thoughts upon this crucial topic and weighed each placement of blame by the politicians and pundits, I have reluctantly arrived at the conclusion that they are grossly mistaken in their rationale. The violence in Ferguson cannot be blamed on the President since there were few if any illegal immigrants involved. Politicians were too busy placing blame to accept it, Jews can’t be blamed because… well…they can’t be blamed for everything, and bloggers…well how can anyone believe a newsman who asked a rape victim why she didn’t bite down when she was forced to give oral sex? No the entire lot of the names offered up as the cause of Ferguson violence need to be tossed out because they are all ridiculous.

Being that it is so close to the Thanksgiving holiday, and most of those placing blame need to take Thursday off, I do therefore humbly offer up some scapegoat suggestions which are much superior in logic to those offered so far.

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To those who seek to place blame any of the following can be used at no cost so you can enjoy your holiday tomorrow.

  • George H.W. Bush, progressives and liberals love to blame everything on Bush 43 but honestly its getting stale. That’s why I offer his father. The bonus here is that like his son Bush 41 has shown nothing but class since he left office and will not publicly fight back when singled out for unfair blame.
  • New Amsterdam Citron Vodka– Until it was displayed Monday evening on Fox as a looted item, many people had never heard of the New Amsterdam Brand. Perhaps they incited the violence to get the free TV advertising.

  •  Chuck Hagel- The Secretary of Defense was pushed out on Monday morning the riots were Monday evening. Coincidence? Perhaps not.
  • The Israeli Settlements in Jerusalem: President Obama, the EU and
    the UN have all found ways to justify Palestinian acts of terrorism by
    blaming it on Jews moving into East Jerusalem. If Jews moving into East
    Jerusalem can cause violence there, why not causing it in Ferguson?  
  • The Koch Brothers-It would be economical to blame them, Harry Reid could recycle his unsuccessful political ads. 
  • The GOP. The president and his liberal buddies have blamed everything from unemployment to hurricane sandy on the Republicans so it should come naturally to blame the Ferguson riots on the GOP. Wait! Scratch that!  Ridiculously connecting Republicans to suffering didn’t work in for the midterms it probably won’t work now.
  • The Washington Redskins– They have a racist name and are benching an African-American Quarterback: No Justice for RGIII, no peace.
  • Global Warming- Heck if people can blame things like the Sinking of The Titanic, Illegal Immigration, ISIS, and a Walrus “Convention” on global warming, why not this?

I can think of no one objection to any of the above suggestions that would make them any less ridiculous than blaming the President, politicians, Jews or bloggers. Anybody who is looking for a good scapegoat before they leave on their Thanksgiving holiday should choose any of my suggestions so they have enough time to enjoy turkey and football tomorrow.

Now I understand some of you may want to blame the Ferguson violence and looting on unruly idiots, who have little regard for the memory of Michael Brown, race relations, or Ferguson, Mo.  You might see the pictures of people in masks, shooting guns, setting buildings on fire and believe them to be evil miscreants rioting and looting just for fun, they were simply taking advantage of an already tense situation for their own selfish reason.  While that would be true, no one would believe that idea. In the day and half since the violence began, politicians and pundits have been placing the blame everywhere except on those miscreants who were doing the selfish deeds. Obviously if they thought people would believe the truth they would throw the blame that way.