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Dear Gentiles,

We Jews will be spending the next 48 hours indulging in large quantities of Brisket and luckshun kugle, asking for forgiveness for our many sins, and for the continued recovery of Jim Hoft the Gateway Pundit.  And at least in my case, I will be listening to my Rabbi give 45-minute-long sermons extolling the virtues of progressive politics while fighting the urge to open my mouth and challenge him

While we are away:

  • NO FIGHTING! This is a nice internet we’ve created please don’t ruin it while we are away.
  • PLEASE Do not run with sharp objects. The lawyers don’t need the money and the Doctors are all in Synagogue with me.
  • Do not open the door for anyone..this is a dangerous world.
  • In case anyone gets hungry we’ve left some extra brisket in the fridge
  • If you eat the brisket, make sure to brush your teeth afterwards. Remember most of the Dentists are in Synagogue with me.
  • I’ve marked the booze and will know if you partake from my stock while I’m out (and you know exactly who I am talking to).
  • If you go outside in the sun please make sure to wear a hat and put on sunscreen.
  • No wild parties –the people in the blog next door are always fast to call the cops.

Trending: Ocasio-Cortez Lists Tax Cuts And The Census As Reasons To Impeach Trump

And most importantly to all, both Jew and Gentile- May God inscribe and seal you in the book of life, for a happy and healthy year, filled with love of family and friends.

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