Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the book store there are reports that the Peanut President has another new book coming out. After days of investigation one of my secret sources from deep within the Zionist conspiracy section of the freshly painted Jewish Lobby has provided me with a copy of the book jacket and I will share with you what I found out.
The title of Carter’s new book is: “MOSES-Apartheid Leader. The true story of the Exodus from the Worlds Foremost Authority on the Middle East-This Guy is so Good He Never Has To Explain Himself, Even When He Lies, Which He Will Never Do Because I’ll Never Lie to You– Take That Alan Dershowitz”
Carter uses his vast misunderstanding of history, bible and world affairs to show people what really happened in Egypt some 3,500 hundred years ago. The book starts out more than two hundred years before Moses, with a chapter called, “Joseph Steals the Grain, then Jews all of the Egyptians out of their money.” Moses’ early life is covered next. Carter calls that part “The First Attempt to Take over Egypt, Moses Sneaks into the Palace.” This chapter is alive with political intrigue as the Baby Moses helps his Jewish Mother and Sister take advantage of the poor childless Egyptian princess, so they can sneak into the palace and launch their evil Zionist conspiracy. The first section ends with the evil Moses ruining his family’s plan by killing a poor Egyptian Slave Manager in Cold Blood.
The next section of the book deals with Moses’ life in exile, stealing the Midianite priest’s sheep (as Jews do), and hoodwinking the priest’s daughter into marriage so he could steal their land. The high point of this chapter is Moses’ conversations with G-d. Carter claims that this must have been a hallucination because the creator of the universe would NEVER talk to a Jew. Moses thinks he has been given a mission to take those criminal Hebrews out of Egypt to ruin their labor force and go to Canaan and take the land from the Palestinians. Carter explains that in Moses’ vision he sees that in the future a peace loving man named Yassir Arafat will move from Egypt to Canaan and it will be the Children of Israel who will hurt this Arafat and Arafat’s people, they will kick them out of Canaan, ruin their land and will control all of the Papyrus and other written materials.
In the section called “They Cycle of Violence” Moses devastates the Egyptians over and over for a total of ten times. He ruins their water, crops and animals, sneaks into their houses and checks their valuables and then they do the ultimate in horror. With the tenth attack, which the ex-President calls the Protocols. . Carter describes how Moses, his brother and the other JEWS kill the first born of of every Egyptian family and create something called Matzo, which Carter claims is made from wheat and the blood of children. With this final straw the benevolent Pharaoh tortured by the evil Jews throws them out of his country.
But Carter’s true story does not end there. The Pharaoh discovers that before they left Egypt, the Jews took all of the Egyptian Jewelry. They wrongfully claimed that it was payment for all of the years of free labor. “Just like Jews” said Carter, “you give them food and clothing and just ask them to help out a little—they complain that its slavery !”
According to Billy Carter’s uncultured brother, Moses and Jews leave with all of the Jewelry and head toward the Reed Sea, where there is an illegal stolen goods fencing operation run by the Mossad. But at the same time, Pharaoh realized that his people have been fleeced and he sends Ramses Finest, the Egyptian Police to investigate. Once again these crafty Jews out with the Pharaoh and his peace officers. When the get to the sea, they erect not one, but TWO Apartheid fences to hold off the water and allow them to pass through. Carter’s true history of Moses ends with the Jews, now on the other side of the sea, blowing up the walls and crushing the poor Egyptians under a sea of water.
In the appendix Jimmy Carter explains how this whole episode of Moses, not only caused the War in Iraq, but the great depression and the Mets loss in last years NL Playoffs. According to the book Jacket the book will be available in stores on Good Friday, the day when all good Christians commemorate when the Jews killed their savior.