As widely reported today, in a special emergency session called expressly for this purpose, the UN Human Rights Council (Its full name is the Council for Human Rights for Terrorists but not for Jews in Israel or Christians in Darfur) said it deplored the “grave violations” being committed by Israel in Gaza, and demanded that the week-long siege of the strip be lifted. The Human Rights Council has previously condemned Israel for striking back at terrorists and for building a wall to keep the terrorists out.
That is only part of the action the Council took today. My Cousin Ben the Spy, hid in the rest room and was able to hear the entire meeting. Ben is a big fan of Get Smart, he even has a cone of silence over his kitchen table (he got rid of the shoe phone when his mom got a dog, he kept stepping in—well I digress).
Apparently the Council sent Israel a list of acceptable actions to take in response to the Terrorist rocket fire in the Negev. The ever efficient Ben emailed me the Council’s recommendations for acceptable Israeli actions:
- Rotate the names of Israeli cities. If Sedrot switches names with Haifa this week and Tiberius next etc. it will ensure that no city will bear the suffering two weeks in a row.
- Translate Gilligan’s Island into Arabic and air it over Gaza TV. The terrorists will be too enthralled to fire any rockets.
- Announce that Mount Sinai has been found in the middle of the Sinai desert. All of the Palestinians will move there so they can declare that Moses never existed and that Mohammad stopped there for a falafel on his way from the Temple Mount to Heaven.
- Five words: American Idol Auditions in Gaza. Its perfect…have you ever see how many people line up to audition?
- Distribute Flyers announcing that due to budget cuts the rules have changed, they don’t get 72 virgins for martyrdom, they get seasons tickets for the NY Knickerbocker home games instead.
- Make an announcement that Jimmy Carter is coming there to fix their economic problems. They will be too terrified to to move a muscle.
- Bar Mitzvah each an every terrorist in Gaza–trust me, they will never be around anything Jewish again.
- Tell the people of Sedrot to grow up and take it like an adult. Wait a second…Olmert’s government has been saying that for years.
The directions from the UN’s Human Rights Council concluded with the following note expressing the overall United Nations position:
STOP COMPLAINING ! Don’t do anything…Sedrot is Occupied Palestinian Territory anyway !
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