Since it was launched in 2008, FiveThirtyEight.com has won accolades for the way the site and its editor aggregated and interpreted political polling data. When it was purchased by ESPN in 2013, they expanded their focus to include pop culture and sports. Friday’s column suggests that expansion may have been a mistake. They ran a poll of their audience and asked people to list the five films they consider most rewatchable.
FiveThirtyEight.com received 4,362 entries from 1,169 respondents to “the fill-in-the-blank question.” On Friday, they posted a list of the top 25 movies adults consider most rewatchable, and a top ten for each gender. However, since I am not a woman and because my wife says I rarely act like an adult, those lists will be ignored and this post will focus on the top ten list as voted on by the men.
The head of ESPN, John Skipper (who I used to work for) must be terribly disappointed. John is a real guy! Yet this website owned by ESPN has male readers who know absolutely nothing about—you know—guys. They created a list of rewatchable movies that includes movies guys would never watch more than once (and probably would never watch at all if their significant others didn’t force them. The list also leaves out some of the most classic “guy” movies in history.
Here is FiveThirtyEight.com‘s male readers’ list of top ten most rewatchable movies:
1 Star Wars
2 The Godfather
3 The Lord of the Rings (series)
4 The Wizard of Oz
5 Pulp Fiction
6 The Princess Bride
6 The Shawshank Redemption
6 The Matrix
6 Star Trek
7 The Sound of Music
8 It’s A Wonderful Life
8 Forrest Gump
8 Die Hard
9 Gone with the Wind
11 The Avengers
11 Star Wars (series)
I don’t care what they say, no real guy voted for the Wizard of Oz; it doesn’t make sense. Oh I am sure they may have watched the movie over and over but only because they have a nine-year-old daughter who loves the movie so much she’s dressed as Dorothy on Halloween the last five years in a row.
And The Sound of Music? Puleeeze! That is a move is so sweet, no diabetic is allowed to watch. Do you know way the great Broadway lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II died only nine months after his Sound of Music opened? Because he couldn’t bear to have his name associated with such a lousy syrupy musical.
It’s a Wonderful Live is a nice Christmas movie watched once, but do you know that the Pope considered becoming Jewish so he would no longer have to celebrate Christmas by watching Clarence earn his wings one more time?
Forest Gump is a great movie the first-time; after that, you want to skip the movie and go straight to the box of chocolates and, to be perfectly honest, when it comes to Gone With The Wind, most real guys frankly don’t give damn. It’s a chick flick, not a guy movie! Scarlett O’
There are so many classics left off the list:
- Animal House: John Belushi’s (or should I say U.S. Senator Butarsky’s) greatest movie gave America the toga party. It has a classic motivational speech by Belushi which starts with, “What? Over? Did you say “over? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” (see video below). Fivethirtyeight should be put on “double-secret-probation” for not having this movie on their list.
- Blazing Saddles: Mel Brook’s classic satire of racist stereotypes includes a scene with nothing but cowboys sitting around a campfire farting, how can any guy not watch that over and over? After all Mongo like candy! A guy I know watched that movie at least once per day his senior year of college. And he still says his senior year was the best five years of his life.
- Raiders of the Lost Ark: The first and third movies of this series (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) are not only classics, but watched by guys over and over. “Why’d it have to be Snakes?
- Independence Day: Most guys have seen this movie so many times they can recite President Thomas J. Whitmore’s (played by Bill Pullman) classic speech by heart. Most guys I know would vote for Whitmore in 2016 if he was real. He’s a true leader. “Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!“
- Airplane: It’s almost impossible to spend hour with a guy without hearing one of the many classic lines from this ultimately rewatchable movie. Watching Barbara Billingsly arguing with a few Black guys–in jive, or the little white toddler girl who likes her coffee “Black…like her men.” What about Lloyd Bridges routine about “I picked the wrong day to give up…,” and the most famous, Leslie Nielsen’s “No, I’m not kidding, and don’t call me Shirley.”
There are so many other movies that could be included such as: Terminator, Stripes, Spaceballs and Young Frankenstein, (Hump? What hump?) Rambo, Back to School, Police Academy, and so many others.
Maybe, theFiveThirtyEight.com sale to ESPN was a fake, because it’s really hard to believe a website owned by an all-sports media conglomerate and run by my old boss John Skipper could have male readers who have no idea about great guy movies.