I guess it is the combination of the Pennsylvania Primaries and Passover, but I had the weirdest dream last night, DREAM ? Hell it was a nightmare. You see, in my dream I was camped out on the bank of the Yam Suf (Reed Sea) with Moses and the just escaped Hebrew Slaves. But I wasn’t the only visitor from modern times, Barack Obama was there also. And Just when Moses raised his staff to split the sea, the Senator from Illinois got up to speak:
Ladies and Gentlemen, It is time for Change, Moses offers you the leadership of the past. It is that leadership of the past that got us in the jam we are in now
First that Joseph Stole the Grain from the Egyptian, Now Moses wants to get it the grain and all of the Egyptian gold out of the country. This war isn’t about God and freedom ! No this war is about natural resources and Moses’ wealth. It is Moses’ war, Moses and the Hebrew Senators. Did anyone see God Speak to Moses. Or is Moses playing the Prophet card? I say Moses is lying when he says he is on a divine mission to take those criminal Hebrews out of Egypt. Who is this Hebrew God anyway? This God that spoke ten sentences at Mount Sinai that are played over and over again on Fox news. How do we know thats all he said, maybe they were just sound bites for the press. I say that Moses simply wants to take away Jobs from the Egyptian labor force and then move into Canaan to take the land from the Canaanites. This war has nothing to do with Slavery–these Hebrews were not slaves they were part of the big corporations that want to destroy the Egyptian economy. The Egyptians are just trying to make these Hebrews to work hard so they get an honest day’s work for a day’s pay. This war is just about Hebrew imperialism. You won’t read about it elsewhere because the Hebrew Lobby controls all of the grain storages sites and owns all of the Papyrus scrolls. It is this Hebrew lobby that pushed us into this war. This so called messenger of God, Moses, has been massacring the Egyptians over and over —a total of ten times. He ruins their water, crops and animals, gives them boils and turns off the electricity. The tenth attack was particularly heinous Moses, his brother and the other Israelites killed the first born of of every Egyptian family to create something called Matzo ( made from wheat and the blood of children). Now we are on the banks of the Reed Sea. Ramses Finest, the Egyptian Police to are on their way to attack. This Moses says we will be fine—to believe him we must have a willing suspension of disbelief. He says that he will split the Sea with the help of God. Its not God that will split the sea but greenhouse gases from the Hebrew diet.Friends, we must cut off funds to this Moses guy and return our Soldiers to Egypt before there is more needless death. If we don’t, one day these Hebrews will cause a the War in Iraq, a great depression, bomb the Syrian desert and Spy for the New England Patriots. Don’t Let this Moses use his Burning Bush to turn us into Mush. We Must Bring our Soldiers back from the Reed Sea!
With that I woke up in a sweat and horror. After all it was the most horrific dream I ever had, even worse than the one about Bill Clinton writing the Song of Songs. Thankful that my dream could never really happen….or could it?